your worst fear

Last Saturday we were going to a party. We were excited and rushing around the house getting all cute and ready to go. Molly and I were upstairs; I was changing outfits deciding what to wear, while she explored the fascinating contents of my closet. Later, I couldn't help but wonder - If only I had decided not to take my boots off so I wasn't in my sock feet. If only George would have carried her downstairs instead of me. If only I had walked a little bit more slowly.

If only I wouldn't have slipped and fallen down the stairs with Molly.

Yikes. My foot shot out from under me, and down we went. I immediately wrapped my body around Molly to shield her from the impact, but wasn't sure whether she hit her head when we fell. As soon as we got to the bottom (13 stairs later), George was there, frantically examining us. We checked her head, again and again. We put frozen corn on there, just in case. I nursed her, we sang, we cuddled, we inspected. After 10 or 15 minutes, she had calmed down, but she was still crying. If she were just frightened, by then she would be playing happily. But we couldn't find any lumps on her head at all.

And then it occured to us. She has a whole body below her head. Perhaps her pain is coming from somewhere else. We stripped her down, did a full body check but everything looked ok. Then I stood her up to see if she could maintain her balance, and she wouldn't bear weight on her left leg. Eureka.

We consulted the nurse, and were told that a visit to the ER was definitely in order. So, off to Children's Hospital we went. 2 hours and much bravery and trooperhood later, Molly was diagnosed with a buckle fracture on her lower tibia and fibula. They fitted her in a splint and sent us on our way.

Molly's doing great. She can't stand or cruise, but, adaptable as always, she's crawling all around and is in great spirits. She's waking alot at night, presumably due to pain that she is too busy to notice during the day. Her cast should be off within 2-3 weeks.

It goes without saying that I feel awful about the whole thing. Of course it was an accident, but still. if you fell down the stairs with your baby and she broke her leg you'd feel bad too.

On the bright side (if there is a bright side to a tumble down the stairs) there is something to be said for facing your worst fear and living to tell. As any parent in a home with stairs your darker side envisions the fall. In your imaginings there is blood, major trauma, the works. But, then it happens and you survive. A few hours later you're sitting on the couch with a bowl of comfort ice cream trying to make sense of it all, while your sweet baby sleeps upstairs.